Why do you make art? If I had a dollar for everytime someone asked me that then I could pay off all of my student loans and have some left over to buy a nice dress. In all honesty I’m not sure why I make art. I could give you a really deep answer like “oh I’m making work that comes from my soul.” Or I could give you a very true answer like “I make art because I’m not good at anything else” (this is only partly true). 

My goal this year has been to make art that I like and appeals to me. I through with trying to make stuff to please everyone else. So yeah I’m going to be selfish and do what I want to do. I really don’t care if anyone understands it or even likes it. 

People who are not the art type don’t understand the need to make things. They always look at you like you are some kind of circus freak when you start to explain an idea for a piece of work. They just don’t get it and no matter how many times you try to explain it to them, they still won’t fully comprehend it.

They way I look at it, it’s ok that not everyone understands us creative types. We understand each other to some degree, so then we feel much less alone. The world needs creative people in it. We are the ones who make everything visually awesome looking.

so this semester i’ve been splitting my time between my type drawings and my photography. both are things that i love but i had to choose between the two so i could concentrate on building my senior thesis show. well i chose my photography because it felt to me to be the strongest of the two. i’ve come to realize after having my type drawings put in a really gallery show (which most of them were purchased) and hearing the praise of my fellow students about those little 2 inch by 2 inch drawings.

i had this idea that i really wanted to do this very sexually charged photography that played with the idea of exploitation and taking back the power of being exploited. turns out i’m not really into it anymore but that’s what my show is going to be and it’s too late to change so i have to power thru and create work that i’m not super excited about.

the big change in attitude for me is because i’m tired of exploiting myself. i don’t like that i have had to come this far to get people to start respecting my photography. all of my photos do not show people who i really am. i’m NOT that girl. i don’t like to be naked in front of the camera. i’m not a sloppy mess or a whore. i’m also not super comfortable with being so sexual. i don’t like being known as a sexual object. i’m just not the person in my photos. 

i set out to find myself and i ended up finding out who i am not. all i can say is i’m not sure who i am but i know i’m not that girl you see in the photo. i’m merely playing a part. i always have to get into character before a shoot which is why i’m able to even take my clothes off.

i can’t wait to get back to my type drawings and be able to keep my clothes on.